karma//chameleon

2005-04-03T21:39:00.000+08:00

change is good! no longer blogging here. moved there.

the name game..

2005-03-08T12:20:00.000+08:00

back home, i'd have to repeat my name at least thrice so that people could pronounce it properly. even then, they'd forget it one minute later.
over here, i'd only have to say it once and everyone (well.. almost everyone) remembers it (without difficulty).
here people are funny. they tell me how my name sounds elfish/middle earth-ish (ie. lord of the rings), lawyer-ish (ie. the practice) & medieval.. well back home people'd just gimme this raised eyebrow look because they think my name's weird.

anyways. week one of school is over. i feel more like a sociology student than a medical student. because monash apparently has a more holistic approach to teaching medicine, we students have to focus on the sociological aspects of health & medicine, in addition to physiology & anat. i'm not exactly used to all these artsy concepts and i think i'll take a long time to adapt to the education system here. notes here are overly brief (& shallow) and you're kinda forced to do your own research and reading up on topics.. which makes you more independent, in a way.. but can be bad for you if you're naturally lazy, or too used to being spoonfed. but i quite like the idea of having study buddies where you form a study group and have mugging sessions & discussions with the year 2s.. instead of self-directed mugging. oh and i am now a qualified first-aider too! i can do CPR, EAR and tie triangular bandages!! :)

homesick

2005-02-28T09:30:00.000+08:00

school's starting and i don't know whether to feel happy or sad about it. i've been hibernating for too long and i really should do something productive, but then again i've lost my momentum to study and i'm worried i can't adapt to this new education system..

i dunno why but i feel like i'm making myself sick.. i've been eating non stop and eating all sorts of junk food and even though i know i'm full and going to puke i still keep gorging. shit. my eating disorder has manifested again.. i feel extremely homesick and i miss my family so much.. i miss everything about singapore, which is weird because i never really felt attached to it.. haha. but i'm really thankful that i have a bunch of sporean meddies here with me who make me feel so at home.. and i really really enjoy going to church. i feel like i have a renewed relationship with God and its wonderful :)

toga party

2005-02-23T23:09:00.000+08:00

we just had this toga party thingy where we had to use our bedsheet to tie a toga on ourselves and then we headed to the common room to partay. i will never ever use my bedsheet to do such silly things again because i like to sleep in CLEAN sheets and now my sheet is disgustingly stained with vodka lime and sweat. i should resolve not to succumb to bloody peer pressure. and i swear the person who came up with this event for orientation must be bloody unhygienic.

another thing i learnt tonight was not to play daidee with malaysian(no offense) idiots who say they can f-ing play daidee when they throw out 4 different suits of cards and adamantly insist that it's an acceptable move. then i got so pissed (because it happened more than once) and banged the table damn hard with my fist. so now i have this damn huge bruise near my thumb all thanks to that bloody retard.

what a week it's been

2005-02-23T15:02:00.000+08:00

'O' week has officially started! Lots of free food, fun (& weird) games, informative/boring/useless talks, city scavenger hunts, yumcha, clubbing and shopping tours has pretty much occupied my schedule for the week..

i've been hanging out a lot with my medfac friends from singapore, which is kind of antisocial considering i'm surrounded by aussies all over and i hardly really have a proper convo with them.. haha. i guess singaporeans will always group with the same kind, cos we can talk about things that each other can relate to like kiasu s'porean syndrome and EZ link cards and how we're gonna plant a nuclear bomb in NUS.. (heh just kidding)

so today was basically OC (Orientation Carnival) day where all the clubs & socs had stalls at the campus center and making us sign up for them. then we saw the SAM (Singapore Association of Monash) stall..
me to my s'porean clique: hey are we gonna join SAM?
one of my s'porean med khakis: huh? aren't we already like a singapore association??

photos are up!

me & my cap!

breakfast -- check out the smiley ham!

chinatown in melb city

me & mel in the corridors of melb uni

vandalism at its funniest.. haha

greetings from down under!!

2005-02-16T12:44:00.000+08:00

i'm finally here in melbourne! melb's just great -- the weather's swell, the people here are nice and friendly, and i can't wait to start orientation! the first night here was really fun -- had an informal crepe party (think vanilla ice cream, maple syrup, fresh strawberries and blueberry jam) with some of the residents in my hall.. met a crazy vegetarian by the name of hannah who's absolutely great entertainment, a sweet japanese girl called misako, a very nordic looking bulk-sized guy called greg and many more interesting people that i can't really remember.. (oops)

i also went to explore the shopping centres near school by bus (transport here is really really ex) and it's pretty much like singapore in the sense that the shops here are quite similar to those you get in singapore (gloria jean;s, coffee bean, starbucks, macs, burger king/hungry jacks & a coupla asian eateries here and there). food here is pretty ex i must say.. a mars bar that would normally cost S$1 costs AUD$1.90 here.. groan. well i guess that would put me off snacking unnecessarily.. haha.

and today there was this bazaar at the campus center and once again i could not control my spendthrift ways.. (hoohoo) so i ended up buying things again but they were pretty value for money purchases i must say! :)

tomorrow's enrolment day, where i'll get to meet my new med classmates and mingle with the seniors.. think they've planned something fun for us to do.. can't wait! ;)

2005-02-05T22:23:00.000+08:00

only about a week's time more before i leave- i'm really, really sorry if i can't meet up with everyone, please forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye. i'd kill to see you guys before i leave but i guess time isn't exactly on my side. however i will be free next week on mon & tues afternoon and after the 2nd day of cny, so please contact me if you will be free on any of these days ya?

i'm not expecting you guys to see me off at the airport, so i won/t be providing any flight details. i'm not being standoffish but you know how i hate scenes. and the last thing i wanna do is to cry in front of you guys at the airport.

so if i don't see you before i go, i just wanna say thanks for everything- for being my friend/classmate/teammate, thanks for all the great and fab times that we've shared, and especially to my rgsbball teammates- thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart. i can't say i'll be able to remember all the memories that we've shared, but you can be sure i'll remember one or two, at the very least.. but whatever happens, do keep in touch ya? (my msn's eleanike@hotmail.com)

ok guys, till i next see y'all again, goodbye!!! and take care dears :)

2005-01-01T13:58:00.000+08:00

and so i guess it's only in times like these that we learn how to appreciate and cherish the fact that we live in natural disaster-free singapore. the escalating death toll seems to have an extremely disturbing effect on me, and i hope no one i know is missing/dead. it's just scary.

on another note, happy 2005. which also means that i have 44 more days with my family and friends. 44 more days to revel in the sights and sounds of singapore. 44 more days. somehow the number 44 doesn't seem to bode well. 4- sounds like 'sei' in cantonese, ie. die. and double 4- you get the idea.

i'm just so damn lousy in other things but so damn good at scaring myself.

merry belated xmas

2004-12-27T01:29:00.000+08:00

this year all i wanted for xmas was to spend it with my family.
but i got set up with some metrosexual medical student from queen mary's;
ended up nearly getting cheated of by some 30-something doctor from hell.
i swear i never had such a crazy xmas eve.
then had to go for work on xmas day itself.
but the best part was that i finally got my wish.
such a simple one, but yknow, i nearly was denied of it.

merry belated x'mas to all!!

don't quit

2004-12-27T01:22:00.000+08:00

when things go wrong
as they sometimes will
when the road you;re trudging seems all uphill
when the funds are low
and the debts are high
and when you want to smile
but you have to sigh
when care is pressing you down a bit
rest if you must, but don't you quit

life is odd with its twists and turns
as everyone of us sometimes learns
and many a failure turns about
when he might have won
had he stuck it out
don't give up though
the pace seems slow
you may succeed with another blow

success is failure turnd inside out
the silver tint of the clouds of doubt
and you can never tell how
close you are
it may be near when it seems so far
so stick to the flight when you're hardest hit
its when things seem worst
that you must not quit.

countdown

2004-12-18T11:25:00.000+08:00

for some reason, my spirits are experiencing a slight lift.
maybe it's because of the holiday season, the festive mood, etc.
and perhaps it's because i really am looking forward to 2005-
starting on a clean slate in a foreign country, having to establish
my new identity there, having to find a new circle of friends/
acquantances, and learning to stand on my own two feet.
i like starting from scratch. square one. a new beginning.

and x;mas is just a week away!
haven't had time to do any x'mas shopping,
or rather, shopping in general.
apologies to the friends and family that i have
unwittingly neglected over the past few months.
i really hope to make amends before i leave.
i guess this x.mas will be a bittersweet one.

on eating

2004-12-03T22:42:00.000+08:00

this week i learnt how to eat humble pie.
you become very bloated with hot air
within seconds of swallowing your pride.

i just keep telling myself i have to tahan.

stayin' alive

2004-11-26T23:10:00.000+08:00

just to let you all know, i'm still alive and kicking.
the thing is, i'm pretty much getting used to the idea of being a recluse.

gone with the wind

2004-11-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

when my computer crashed on me the other day, i thought i was going to die. i was thinking about all my precious music files and other important bits and pieces stored inside, and then i realised i owned a thumbdrive, but didn't bother to backup my hard disk. so guys, take it from me- back up your hard drive- i learnt it the hard way. =(

the sound of music

2004-11-05T01:24:00.000+08:00

i can't say how important music is to me. there's always a time for some music- studying, running, bumming, you name it. over the years i've grown so dependent on music that i don't think i could ever get through the next five years of mugging without it. so the million dollar question here is: will it be the attractive iPod, or the practical Zen Touch?

hello-ween

2004-10-30T16:28:00.000+08:00

here i go again.
blogger really gets on my nerves sometimes. but i forgive it for being so idiot-proof.
anyway, halloween is tomorrow! but being the very boring people that we are, this halloween will be pretty much the usual sunday affair, except for Gwenda. Happy 19th Birthday!! (sorry i wanted to make the 'Happy 19th Birthday' bigbig but the idiot-proof toolbar isn't displayed on my browser so i can't..) i wonder why we don't commemorate halloween. last time my caucasian neighbours would carve dozens of jack-o-lanterns and hang them on their gateposts, and me and my bro would gaze longingly at them, wishing that we too could have fun with pumpkins. i haven't even gone trick-or-treating before, much less carve a jack-o-lantern. i can just imagine what my parents would say to that if we asked them- "pumpkins are only good for making pumpkin soup" or "i think the neighbours are going to slam the door in your face if you're going to show up under our tablecloth". well, the furthest i've gone is to a halloween fancy dress party. and it was good fun! nj held a halloween party yesterday. hc held a mid-autumn festival celebration last month. rj- well, the only celebration it'll hold is when rj is crowned top jc in singapore(again).

a bit of everything

2004-10-29T23:29:00.000+08:00

for the first time in months, i went for a decent jog.
the sun shining on my back/face, just me and my music. :)))
so, first thing in the morning, i burned calories. a pretty good start for me in yonks! my dad went to redeem this kenwood smoothie maker from his Shell Escape Points- so now, my whole family can make delicious fruit smoothies and tofu shakes and be extra healthy. they even provide free recipes- one of them is for an oreo smoothie which i'm dying to try. heh :)

then my mom and i went to this once-a-year L'Oreal warehouse sale where everything was practically dirt-cheap (at any 4 items for 12 buckeroos, i guess it was better than what i'd bargained for). it was really packed (today being the last day, and me and my mum being last-minute shoppers), but we squeezed in anyway. i'm not a cosmetics-girl, but since everything was such a good buy i grabbed lipsticks, lipgloss, foundation, mascara, face-firming cream(for my mom).. etc. the best part is, they all came under 50 buckeroos! and after lugging home a bag of cosmetics, i wonder if(and when) i'm ever gonna use it. oh, did i also say that i'm an impulse-shopper?

hokay so my brother's back from some halloween party thing from school. since when did nj become so happening? i wonder. he painted his nails black. i totally dunno what got into him. he also seems to be extremely incensed over Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code-
"I only have ONE word to describe The Da Vinci Code- BLASPHEMOUS"
"Fuck Dan Brown, he's a fucking heretic"
"Dan Brown is SO full of shit"
but he said he's still going to finish reading it.
i tell you, my brother's strange.

what a lengthy post- the longest i've written in months! just to compensate i guess, even though i do think my blog is (half)dead.

blue on blue

2004-10-16T16:08:00.000+08:00

i wonder when the day will come, when i can snuggle up in my bed and read a book with a mug of milo and a cranberry scone, just like before.

direction

2004-10-03T21:24:00.000+08:00

the past two weeks have made me realise that i am a selfish and immature person.
i'm always trying to find excuses for myself, trying to invoke sympathy in others-
and worst of all, indulging in excessive self-pity.
i need to wake up. now.
the next three months will be tough, demanding, tiring.. whatev.
i need to learn how to get through it instead of thinking of throwing in the towel.
like my dad says, if i can't even get through three months of apprenticeship,
then i should just bloody well not be a doctor.
perhaps its the 12-hour(or rather, 12 to 16-hour) shifts that i'm not used to.
i crave for normal working hours, free time on weekends, time to engage in reading/watching tv..
but all this is going to change when i take up medicine.
there's no such thing as a normal life in a doctor's book.
so i really thought very hard and asked myself if this is what i want.
and i think i can safely and honestly say that even though i'll miss the normalcy of my life,
i still want to take up medicine.
i know that this is a test that God has given me,
and i want to show Him that I have the mettle and strength to get through it.
i need to start looking at things in a positive light, and i need to have faith in God and myself.

i will survive.

to those who have no idea what i'm talking about, i'm so sorry, it's a long and complicated story that i do not wish to splash on the web. you just have to excuse my rambling.

before it all goes by..

2004-09-19T22:19:00.000+08:00

september is the saddest month of this year, ever.
it is so hard to say goodbye to the people i thought would always be around me.
well, the problem with me is that, i keep taking people for granted.
first it was addie(hey girl, how's it in london?), and next up it'll be jialin.
i've no idea how to say goodbye to you, my dear pal..
i don't even want to know.
i think of all the old times, and i hope you remember
how we got paired up in sec1 to do each other's biography;
how we allegedly made mr loke cry/weep;
how we "bullied" the prefect-in-training during DC;
how we sat at ghim moh mac's after school..

how i went to support your softball match, and got birdshit on my hair;

how you walked me halfway home from serangoon stadium, when i didn't know the way;

how we carpooled/shared cab during Os and As..

i can't imagine you being thousands of miles apart, when you used to be just a 15-minute walk away

i know, there's always blog/email/msn, but how can it ever be the same?

i know you'll find a new life there, new friends and new thrills.. and so will i.

we all have different lives to lead, and this is just the very beginning of our journey into adulthood.

till we meet again, just hope you know that i really value your friendship.

i'll always remember a certain no.1catcher, and i hope you'll remember a certain eleaphant, too.

picture courtesy of jialin. before i get my own digicam, i will still have to pilfer pictures from her. ;)

2004-09-06T22:20:00.000+08:00

i've nothing much to say, as usual, but this is important:-

happy birthday jialin!

change

2004-08-22T17:44:00.000+08:00

today as i was flipping through the sunday times aimlessly i saw a picture of my pri school friend, Bernard.
Flashback to 1997, when he was the boisterous specky kid sitting immediately behind me, who kept twirling his sweaty PE t-shirt in the air and making a din, trying very hard to irritate the girls(sorry Bernard, and congrats, by the way). When i saw his picture in the papers, decked out smartly in his olive green military uniform, flanked by proud beaming parents of an SAF scholarship holder, I could hardly contain my surprise. It's amazing what seven years can do to a person, and seven years isn't exactly a long time, by common standards.
Leads me to wonder how i'll turn out after five years in Australia, and I wonder if i'll achieve the goals that i've set for myself. I don't know if i'll be gone for a long time- 5 years, 10, maybe 20? And when i come back to Singapore and see everything and everyone changed, I wonder how i'll react to these upheavals.
We always tell ourselves that we haven't changed one bit, that we have remained as the (insert applicable noun) people always knew. But i guess, that;s just one of the biggest and most pernicious lies we often tell ourselves.

just to let you know

2004-08-15T23:46:00.000+08:00

in case you were waiting for the background to load on my page
and started wondering why you had to wait so long for it to appear,
well, there is nothing wrong with your computer.
i just decided to get rid of the background.

2004-08-14T23:08:00.000+08:00

my grandma slipped and fell and hurt her spine.
i always thought she was a tough old bird- always so feisty and aggressive, like your typical cantonese woman.
but when i saw her lying on the hospital bed, unable to walk or stand up on her feet,
she seemed so vulnerable and helpless to me.
i guess i always take people for granted, until something bad happens, and makes me realise that i'm this close to losing them.

looking back, moving on!!

2004-08-11T21:56:00.000+08:00

do you remember?
just last year, we were up to our necks with campbell biology, step-by-step solutions to physics tys, and our thick glossy, binded collection of prelim papers. and we were all (almost) using the same particular type of black ballpoint pen, camping in the library and furiously photocopying all the extra notes we could get our hands on.
just last year around this time, we descended into prelims-cum-A level hell.
goodness, what i'd give not to go through this ordeal again..

looking ahead now,
all along i'd expected myself to stay in singapore if i didn't get a scholarship, but the way things are turning out, i'm actually going along with the things i never thought i'd do.. so i guess trying to plan your life in advance is just plain futile, because it';s virtually impossible to adhere to it..
the prospect of going overseas by myself seems so challenging, exciting and yet, daunting. i can't wait to experience a new life, new cultures, new food, new everything-- but at the same time i've grown so attached to the old things at home, and it's going to be so hard to tear myself away for five years..
perhaps i've been taking everything i have here for granted.
at home i have my dad to fetch me around and buy food for me, my mom to see to my allowances, my brothers to talk nonsense with.. singapore is also the city of cheap transport, shopping and food.. not to mention the reasonably low crime rates..
over there, i'll have to cook for myself(gulp!), and have to settle my accommodation, banking etc etc by myself, i'll have no one to fuss over me when i fall ill.. and even though people say melb's really nice, i guess i'll still be subjected to some racism.. and i hope i can walk home after midnight and still be in one piece..
well, i guess everyone's gotta start from scratch at some point in their lives.
still, i'm quite grateful to be able to get out of singapore for a while, and be able to see what the world is like..

learning to say "no"

2004-08-04T22:52:00.000+08:00

i need to learn how to refuse others (firmly).
i'm the kind of person who will give in, if you manage to milk my sympathy.
well, there are people who ring up asking for an urgent reconnection.
citing the following reasons:

"old lady at home, no electricity, so she's taken to lighting candles, might burn the house down"
"has 2 young kids at home with high fever, the kids need the fan"
"1-month old baby at home with helpless grandmother"

strictly speaking, we're not supposed to grant them an urgent reconnection.
but you tell me, how can i say "no" to all these (lame)excuses, that tug at your heartstrings?
most of these reasons turn out to be complete yarns, but seriously, sometimes you just can't afford to take the risk.

just an update!

2004-08-02T21:09:00.000+08:00

lately, i've not much to say.
but i feel that i should keep my friends updated,
since this is the sole purpose of my blog.

well, just to let you huys know,
i'm currently working for the public utilities board.
where i'm mainly in charge of updating supply reconnection records.
sounds boring huh?
well, this week or so i'll get to handle calls from customers,
requesting for an urgent reconnection of water/elect supplies.
then i'll have to run around looking for a particular technician,
so that i can assign him that job.
sounds a bit more fun, huh?

but wait till i get like a dozen plus calls a day,
and all the technicians get irritated with me for giving them extra jobs.
then, it won't be so fun anymore.
you're also one of the last people to leave the office,
and sometimes you really just wanna fly home.
still, it's a challenging job.
and for some reason, i might stick to it.

is anybody going monash/melbourne to study next yr?
just wanna talk to people who happen to be, so drop me a tag.
doesn't matter if you don't know me
i make friends (quite) easily.

2004-07-29T20:59:00.000+08:00

today it was pouring when i was about to leave the office for home.
the moment i stepped out, a middle-aged technician came up to me and said, "going home, eleanor?"
and i smiled and said,"yes, ghani, i'm going home. see you tomorrow!"
and then he said,"it's raining you know, have you got an umbrella? the roads are slippery you know, be careful ok?goodbye!"

it makes a whole lot of difference when people are concerned about your welfare.

finally

2004-07-19T21:22:00.000+08:00

ooh blogger seems more idiotproof than ever.
well, tis good news for IT blockheads like me
so, yay!

anyways, i'm finally employed.. after a three week hiatus.
the job doesn't pay very well but at least i'm getting paid.
i'm more motivated than ever now. i'm going to work hard,
and save all my hard-earned money for my education.

it sure beats moping around the house,
wondering how i'll get by.
at least i'm doing something constructive to help myself,
instead of lamenting about my predicament.
so i guess this is sort of like a good start, yeah?

alas, voyeurism is on the rise!
but i don't mind, cos i'm a voyeur myself, and it's voyeurism in a good way-
at least people give me encouragement and constructive suggestions,
and though i wish you would identify yourself if you know me
i guess you have the right to remain anonymous.
anyways, thank you to those who have been wishing me well.
i really appreciate it. =)

slide alongside

2004-07-19T19:57:00.000+08:00

yay! i got through the first week of work!
there's a free drink dispenser there, and every single day i get to help myself to as many cups of hot/iced chocalatey milo i want.
it's the one and only good thing about work.

gamut

2004-07-17T19:57:00.000+08:00

for the past two weeks, i've been staying at home whiling my time away/baking batches of half-edible cookies/watching jamie oliver's cooking programme daily faithfully, and most recently, falling sick. so i was thinking about the things that happened to me this year. i realised that i can't really group incidents into discrete 'sad'/'happy' categories.. they are somewhat bittersweet.. if you get what i mean.

on receiving my A level results
happy that i did better than i expected, but sad that i didn't get to really enjoy my jc life.

on getting rejected by nus med
devastated that my dream was poofed just like that, but happy that i emerged a more determined person(i hope) after that.

on turning 19!
happy about the independence and freedom that came along with it, but at the same time uncertain and frustrated about the future and increased responsibilities.

on aus med
really, really hope i can go aus to study med. then i will be esctatic about being able to study something i like, but sad and guilty about making my parents worry about the finances.

well, what can i say?
not geting into nus med was a big blow, but yknow, at least i'm still healthy and not starving and i have a supportive family.
so, i guess i'm pretty damned grateful. yes, i really am.

p.s. sally dear.. goodbye and bon voyage!! i'm looking forward to dec.. =)

petri dish of germs

2004-07-16T16:00:00.000+08:00

another reason why i should start exercising seriously.
besides the fact that my stomach feels flabbier, my immune system is also considerably weaker. so, this weekend i will go running. no cancelling at the last minute. promise!!

and yup, think i'm prolly going aussie to study. so far i've only heard from monash, but i guess one is better than none, considering how late i applied. dunno how my parents will manage the finances though. but yeah, heck nus. my worst nightmare is that somehow my plan to go aussie will fall through and then i'll have to beg nus to let me in again. if that happens, i would go boil my thick head.

last night, after watching the o.c., i have finally discovered the theme of the series:
that if you are too rich and good-looking to be true, chances are that your family will be dysfuctional in some way or another. so life is quite fair, huh?

bah humbug

2004-07-14T15:23:00.000+08:00

i'm a bit sian diaoed from blogging.
forgive me if i don't update regularly.
after all, what can be so interesting about a girl who stays at home watching tv all day?

contrary to popular belief

2004-07-14T15:11:00.000+08:00

thick jock hypothesis: assumption that anyone involved in high physical activity will necessarily be of lower mental capability.

a study of geniuses proves that all our societal prejudices are the exact opposite of the truth.
great intelligence is characterized by robust health, greater physical size, advanced social skills and importantly, a sense of humour.

d'oh, who said big moose was an idiot?

2004-07-06T16:29:00.000+08:00

i'm like a kancheong spider now.
stuck in the middle of my own web.
right now, i'm just taking things one step at a time
hoping that my mom will win the toto grand prize or something.
i just need some hope to cling on to.
if you don't know what i'm talking about, nevermind.

i think i will probably get blasted by some nus senior for the last post. i apologize. i don't mean to insult nus, its a good school and all(i hope) but its just not my kind of school..

then again, chances are that i'm going to nus(70%)
if i don't want to kena whacked by people on the first day of school,
i'd better wake up my idea and start getting psyched up. soon.

(anti)socialite

2004-07-03T16:51:00.000+08:00

every letter/brochure/pamphlet i get from nus asking me politely to go for their stupid camps, i toss onto my bed without reading(seriously).
everyone's going for camps and stuff. everyone's busy checking out what laptops they should get. not me, though.

i sit here all day sulking because i don't want to go to sodding nus.
gee, i could do with a hard slap.

2004-07-02T15:44:00.000+08:00

i;m officially unemployed
i hate staying at home and spending the entire day watching tv.
but if i go out, i know i will surely spend money.
i mean, all the shops have this huge 'SALE!' sign plastered all over.
a bit in my face there.
and i'm not one who can resist bargains(even if the bargain isn't really a bargain.)
sad life, sad person.
end of story.

oh.. anyone, i mean anyone's sister/brother/neighbour/cousin needs tuition?? i can tutor pri and sec levels. fees negotiable. contact me ok?

i can't see my hand!

2004-06-30T08:37:00.000+08:00

damn the two hour blackout. i was reading a book in my cosy airconditioned room when pooof!! darkness. instinctively, i looked out from my window and saw that the entire neighbourhood was dark, save for the occassional flashes of light from passing cars.

so i sat in the darkness, feeling irritated, hot and bothered. i worried that my cheesecake would start rotting in the fridge. my brother worried about his maths paper tomorrow. so i lent him my phone and he was able to continue his revision by the light of 2 nokia 6610s.

i waited and waited. walked round the house, fanned myself continuously with postcard, tried to meditate. but i was still sweating buckets. so when the lights finally came on at 12midnight, i immediately switched on the aircon to full blast and sat under it. so after this ordeal, i came to one conclusion: i can live without food, but not without electricity//

2004-06-29T14:35:00.000+08:00

success! my first attempt at whipping up a cheesecake all by myself actually worked out.. =)
yay! (but whipping cream manually is really no joke.)
i'm going ga-ga over this recipe webbie i tell you. something is very wrong with me//

2004-06-28T09:36:00.000+08:00

yesterday i watched sweden vs. holland, and the commentator was damn funny i tell you. when this holland guy kena langgar-ed by a ball at his genitals, the commentator said 'oh dear they aimed at his most delicate part!' and when some swedish player kicked the ball over the goalpost during the penalty shootout, he said, 'ah!! he's beckhamed* it!'

wahlaoeh where in the world do they get this kind of funny commentators from man..

*beckham- term employed to describe the act of kicking the ball over the goalpost(unintentionally) during a penalty kick.

2004-06-28T09:08:00.000+08:00

i usually cut my hair when i;m pissed or upset.
hair cutting is very cathartic. weird but true;
unless, of course the bloody hairdresser screws up.,
think i;m gonna cut my hair later.

2004-06-28T08:43:00.000+08:00

when i told my brother that i liked henrik larsson, thierry henry and fabien barthez, he said i had a disgusting fetish for bald middle-aged soccer players. owell,, sod him.

2004-06-26T17:41:00.000+08:00

"Just one more step," said the Devil. "One more step, and you;ll be free..."

and i said, "ok.."

2004-06-25T16:19:00.000+08:00

i had a nice lunch today, courtesy of my wonderful seniors at kpmg.
we went to this place called Teaspa which specializes in tea and fusion food(pasta/salad/sandwiches). so i had a bowl of chunky mushroom soup, oriental prawn ravioli in herbal tomato sauce and a glass of iced tropicana tea. it was pretty good and at the end of it i was so stuffed i couldn;t even stomach dessert. i haven't had such a fufilling meal for ages!(and it was free, too) =)

as much as i hate to admit it, i;m really going to miss working at kpmg..

with birds i share this lonely view

2004-06-25T11:25:00.000+08:00

so i guess the reason why i find myself in a quandary like this is largely due my own fault. my parents were right all along- i;m a procrastinator and i'm always one step behind the rest.
it;s much too late(and pointless) for any regrets, and i guess the more pressing thing here is for me to change my attitude.
i should really be more adventurous, more daring and more confident
there's really no point in daring to dream, but not daring to do..

everybody go download JET - "Look What You've Done" now!!

2004-06-24T10:04:00.000+08:00

i have this urge to bang a certain person's head very hard on the wall
i;m damn irritated and pissed off with her
oh stuff it.. it's just a coupla more days
and then i can pack up and go and shove some banana skins in her LV bag,
and vandalise her hellokitty mugs. yay/

anyways, i need to make a shout-out,
happy birthday mum!=)

p.s. i have a unhealthy obsession with printed tees
...can someone please stop me before it;s too late//

brain drain

2004-06-24T09:05:00.000+08:00

hokay so the ISAT was much, much harder than i expected.
so i'm probably gonna fail. and even if i don't i'll do very badly.
what a waste of 250 aussie bucks. i wanna boil my head.
i think my brain sort of rotted because i didn't use it for too long.

but its okay, i;m still (quite)happy.
i think if i get UNSW med, that's where i'll go.
i hope i get UNSW med, i really like their revised programme..
oh and if they could throw in a scholarship, i'd be delirious =)

to gwenda- go aussie! manchester is too faraway.. =(

just for fun,

2004-06-22T15:25:00.000+08:00

How to make a Eleanor

Ingredients:

1 part pride

1 part brilliance

5 parts joy

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add fitness to taste! Do not overindulge!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

isn't this interesting!

bother, brother

2004-06-22T13:18:00.000+08:00

really, i have this urge to kill my brother.
my brother is the most pathetic asshole ever.
here's what he did/does:
1. kidnapped my quiksilver bag for 6 months.
2. kidnapped my shoebag for 6 months, made it really filthy and sandy, and refuses to return it to me(when i demanded that he return it, he asked me to use a plastic bag instead?!)
3. takes me as some sort of homework slave and acts like i;m obliged to help him do his math tutorials.
4. doesn't say thankyou when i help him with homework.
5. he is damn abusive(verbal and physical).sadly, i can no longer whack him to pulp because he has developed some humongous biceps.

on a nicer note, my brother is damn funny and clownish. he takes lots and lots of supplements(creatine, endurox, accelerade, just to name afew) and now looks like a cockroach. he trains like a mad man 6 times a week and aspires to join the commandos. he's the kind that sings into a voice recorder, converts it into mp3 format and then blasts it very loud so that we all have to cover our ears =(. what a retard.

wow i have such a narcissistic(did i mention that he also loves flexing his biceps and flaunting his abs in front of the mirror?), unreasonable, weird(?) brother. so i can't entirely be blamed for being such a horrible sister.

i need some self control.

2004-06-22T12:42:00.000+08:00

oh dear i seem to be eating/snacking excessively =(
i need to abstain from the following foods- durian, laura scudder;s pretzels, honey bunches of oats, and anything containing chocolate(dark/swiss).

i also need to confine myself within my home and my office, so that i can't go out shopping and end up making unneccesary purchases.
i also need to convince myself that i don't need a pair of jeans from topshop when i can get cheaper(albeit more inferior) ones elsewhere.
i also also need to convince myself that two bags are enough.

i REALLY need to start saving up. so guys, if i can't watch movies/have expensive dinners with you all, please try to understand, ok? but window shopping should be (quite)harmless, i think.

2004-06-21T16:55:00.000+08:00

wow i can't really bring myself to believe that its been six months(well, nearly). damn, that means i'll be out of a job come july.
oh no. i need to start searching for a job. =(

oh yeah, guys, did you all know that rj has a new vp?
its mr leong.. the fierce discpline master!
wah i was damn stunned when i went back and saw him today.
so weird right.

what the..

2004-06-21T10:28:00.007+08:00

Extroverted (E) 50% Introverted (I) 50%
Imaginative (N) 52.78% Realistic (S) 47.22%
Emotional (F) 54.55% Intellectual (T) 45.45%
Organized (J) 56.76% Easygoing (P) 43.24%

Your type is: ENFJ

You are a Persuader, possible professions include - entertainer, recruiter, artist, newscaster, writer/journalist, recreation director, librarian, facilitator, politician, psychologist, housing director, career counselor, sales trainer, travel agent, program designer, corporate/team trainer, child welfare worker, social worker (elderly services), interpreter/translator, occupational therapist, executive

Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Extroverted (E) 50% Introverted (I) 50%
Imaginative (N) 52.78% Realistic (S) 47.22%
Emotional (F) 54.55% Intellectual (T) 45.45%
Organized (J) 56.76% Easygoing (P) 43.24%

Your type is: INFJ

You are a Guide, possible professions include - career counselor, psychologist, educational consultant, special education teacher, librarian, artist, playwright, novelist/poet, editor/art director, information-graphics, designer, HRM manager, merchandise planner, environmental lawyer, marketer, job analyst, mental health counselor, dietitian/nutritionist, research, educational consultant, architects, interpreter/translator.

Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

apparently, i have 2 character profiles. i was right all along, i do have a split personality. damn, i wanted to be a doctor, and they gimme a whole truckload of career options that exclude the one i want.. heh i hope this thing isn't accurate//

2004-06-18T14:16:00.000+08:00

ha, i finally found a single word to describe myself

mercurial

morning madness

2004-06-18T08:53:00.000+08:00

heard this on perfect10's morning madness..

sheikh haikel: hey you know geri halliwell?
jaime tan: oh yeah, ex-ginger spice, huh?
sh: yep, you know the spice girls actually had 17 hit singles and sold 14 million records worldwide?
jt: whoa really?
sh: yeah, and you know what?
jt: what?
sh: after those 17 hit singles, and 14 million sold records, geri halliwell has decided to go for vocal training.

(raucous laughter follows)

i was trying to sleep in the car, but this really cracked me up..

mad-eye moody

2004-06-17T17:03:00.000+08:00

these days, i've been having mood swings
like sometimes i'm so full of hope
other times i'm just plain moody and broody
and the worst time is when i get pissed at the smallest things
and i start snapping at people,
i dunno why either, but i know its not PMS

i'm quite glad that i started blogging
it;s pretty cathartic actually..

i think my blog is like the ideal pet that i never had
i spend time with it everyday, or almost everyday
i feed it with my thoughts
i change its clothes once in a while
in return, it listens to all my grouses, rants and complaints

i never ever have to pick up after it
it doesn't go shitting around the house
i can switch it off if it bugs me,
i can treat it real bad and it won't even hate me
even if i'm non-committal towards it
it'll never die, unless i leave it alone for way too long

the only complaint i have against it
is that it;s lifeless, after all
it depends on me to breathe life into it...

first imp;ressions

2004-06-17T15:04:00.000+08:00

it's really queer
when i first saw this word, 'lugubrious'
i thought it would mean something along the lines of 'bright', 'glowing' or 'incandescent'
but when i finally found time to look it up in webster's
it actually means 'mournful', 'dark', 'dismal'
gosh, it;s the exact opposite of what i imagined it to be

etymology is really interesting, especially chinese etymology
why don't they have etymology as a course in NUS?
i mean, even aussie unis have courses like asian studies, zoology, nutrition etcetc..
they don't even have forensic science;
if only they had courses like criminology, astronomy, archaeology, sports science, genealogy..
but i guess they never will, cos NUS is so... NUS.

ice cold

2004-06-17T12:48:00.000+08:00

youknow when you're reallyreally cold
you can sort of feel your heart shivering
and your internal organs make weird noises,
i dunno maybe it;s just me
i'm freezing/

i'm also going on a friendster-testimonial-writing spree..
...wheee

2004-06-16T12:15:00.000+08:00

i could just sleep forever; and never wake up

then i could keep on dreaming

and not open my eyes to a living nightmare/

bugger mugger

2004-06-15T16:39:00.000+08:00

i feel like a mugger all over again.
i need to mug my ass off for the ISAT and UMAT(tests that UWA and UNSW require me to take as part of my med admissions process).,
gah. my eyeballs are exploding and my brain is rusty from under-utilization.

i think the UMAT is killer/
they give you a highly distorted and messy pattern and make you guess which shape(out of 5 weird shapes) you can find in the diagram.
sort of like 'where's waldo', but much harder
the ISAT is a bit more fun;
and easier too, i guess..

it is so exx to study med in aussie
even though my parents say 'yes, we;ll get by.. don't worry'
i doubt it.
i can just see my parents selling the house
my family having instant noodles for dinner, four times a week
my brother doesn't get to buy toys

sigh, what have i gotten my family into?

so now, i'll just keep working
from now till mid feb
but i need a job that pays relatively well
oh, i;ll give tuition too, i guess
any lobangs, anyone?

i'll scrimp and save
cut down on entertainement, food and shopping
hopefully i'll be able to save at least ten grand

but 10K is only 3.33% of 300K
gosh, i have such a long way to go..

aussie for me?

2004-06-13T16:13:00.000+08:00

my parents seem serious about sending me to aussie to do med
they took me to apply for aussie unis,
and they're already asking me not to attend nus

tasmania, adelaide, melbourne, nsw, uwa, monash
i'm spoilt for choice;

i think this will set my parents back by at least 280K
it will be so hard on them
my parents are the best,
i wonder if i'll do that for my kids next time?

i'll study hard, i'll try to make the dean's list
i'll show nus what they missed out on

to market, to market

2004-06-13T16:01:00.000+08:00

this morning i got up early and went for breakfast with my family at tekka food centre in little india
i love roti prata!

visited the tekka wet market, they sell weird things-
ostrich meat, baby sharks and funny looking clams
it was stinky and the floor was wet and dirty
but i think marketing is fun;

little india is the land of cheap and nice stuff,,
and indians are very hospitable and polite people.
everybody should visit little india once in a while
it is such an interesting and vibrant place//

2004-06-11T12:23:00.000+08:00

i woke up today

and i was nineteen

over the course of my life
i have become a very accomplished worrier,
too contemplative, too scared, too confused

i need to stop being a wuss//

i realised that-

2004-06-10T12:05:00.000+08:00

its not good to envy others,,
because you'll end up picking on yourself.

when you talk to someone you don't know personally over the internet, it's so easy to keep the ball rolling;
but when you meet face to face, it's so difficult to start talking

when you talk to someone you know personally over the internet,
conversation is meaningless and boring;
but when you meet face to face, it;s so easy to spend an entire afternoon chatting away..

...

2004-06-09T16:01:00.000+08:00

this guy that i do taxes for
he's called German
he teaches French
what were his parents thinking..
hurhurhurrr,,

p.s.what is a blockquote?
just wondering,

ok, now i know.

rainy

2004-06-09T12:20:00.000+08:00

i realised that it rains heavily at two particular times of the day
one, at 1230pm - lunch time
two, at 530pm - knock-off time

it must be a conspiracy//

2004-06-09T10:32:00.000+08:00

i want to streak my hair chestnut brown
i want to perm my hair,
but i'm afraid i'll end up looking like i'm 35
eeks;

i want new clothes
nice flashy summer clothes
green, pink, yellow and orange,
new jeans
new shoes
new bags
new watch
new books
new everything;

so many things to buy, too little money..

i messed up big time
i can hear jaan mutter 'shit' under his breath every 5 minutes
shit

hair

2004-06-09T08:30:00.000+08:00

i hate my hair
its taking a million years to grow
i'm growing impatient,

i feel like cutting it off;
snipsnipsnipsnipsnip

maybe growing out your hair is the way to cultivate patience..

2004-06-08T17:08:00.000+08:00

oh dear
i just got my tax senior(and myself) into trouble,
=(

mixed feelings

2004-06-08T13:44:00.000+08:00

i think i will reject moe
i know i'm being stupid,
that i'm being stubborn;

but i really want med

then again
i don't want my parents to suffer because of a decision i made

why can't things be a bit more simple

anger management

2004-06-08T12:43:00.000+08:00

i was made to search for one frikkin file
in a sea of ten thousand?!
i do all the shit
and she flirts the whole damn day.

i'm just going to tell her i couldn't find it
i'd like to see her reaction,

i hate bimbos

asdfghkl;'

2004-06-08T12:32:00.000+08:00

sometimes i really feel like i can't be bothered to do anything
its too troublesome,
i'm too lazy,
i'm tired.

i have no drive
i really have nothing to look forward to..

why,

my new space

2004-06-08T11:07:00.000+08:00

i don't really want to move
but i need a change,

i really miss my old pitas blog!
i'll go back there when i get tired of this one

everyone says blogger sucks
but i just wanted to give it a chance
it had better not screw on me;;
because i will be really pissed.