direction

the past two weeks have made me realise that i am a selfish and immature person.
i'm always trying to find excuses for myself, trying to invoke sympathy in others-
and worst of all, indulging in excessive self-pity.
i need to wake up. now.
the next three months will be tough, demanding, tiring.. whatev.
i need to learn how to get through it instead of thinking of throwing in the towel.
like my dad says, if i can't even get through three months of apprenticeship,
then i should just bloody well not be a doctor.
perhaps its the 12-hour(or rather, 12 to 16-hour) shifts that i'm not used to.
i crave for normal working hours, free time on weekends, time to engage in reading/watching tv..
but all this is going to change when i take up medicine.
there's no such thing as a normal life in a doctor's book.
so i really thought very hard and asked myself if this is what i want.
and i think i can safely and honestly say that even though i'll miss the normalcy of my life,
i still want to take up medicine.
i know that this is a test that God has given me,
and i want to show Him that I have the mettle and strength to get through it.
i need to start looking at things in a positive light, and i need to have faith in God and myself.

i will survive.

to those who have no idea what i'm talking about, i'm so sorry, it's a long and complicated story that i do not wish to splash on the web. you just have to excuse my rambling.